Last night, Super Bowl Sunday, we found ourselves at the home of great friends with a circle of amazing families who we share our faith journey with. I was standing and gazing, apparently lost in thought. One of my friends said, "You look deep in thought Melissa." I think she may have asked what I was thinking, or perhaps--and more likely--I volunteered my answer, "Not sure how deep, but many thoughts." As I had stood there, unaware of my gawking face, I had gone from pondering what to choose to eat from the wide array of awesomeness that was on the island of food, to pondering our friend's recently finished beautiful addition to their home and it's beauty as a great gathering space, to the power of friendship, then a big jump in thought to the house we are renovating and whether in downsizing we will prohibit our own ability to host friends, which led me to think of our future family and gathering our six kids and their families in our 'smaller space', and back again to the finishing choices our friends had made in their kitchen.
Am I the only one who can in the span of two to three minutes cover that much mental ground?
No surprise I'm back at it again this morning. Thinking 10 thoughts at one. Since Monday began, I've had my prayer time, coffee, adjusted to two kids home sick and participated in a business zoom. I then pivot and find myself looking at my agenda for the day. My thought process jumps from coming up with a meal plan and getting it into the crock pot, to how to tackle my big goal, to potentially launching a new project, to not really feeling like any of that, to reading an email about a writing community and then landing at restarting my blog. Maybe.
Can I do this?
Depends what THIS is. But for the most part the answer lies in what we believe. Stay with me to the end as to what I think is most important to believe, or believe IN. But the answer to, "Can I do this," stems from who do I believe myself to be? What do I believe I am capable of? What do I believe about my life, schedule or current situation? All these variables factor into the answer, but in my heart...right now..regarding where I landed: restarting my blog, if I'm being honest (and I am), the answer is: a strong, maybe.
Not just because it's Monday--bigger yet, Super Bowl Monday (which according to my grumpy freshman boy who had waited til arriving home from the Super Bowl party to write a two page science report retorted it SHOULD be a day off school). But maybe because I had to figure out how to even log back in. Then sit at the keyboard and ask myself, "Can i do this?" "Am I committing to this?"
Maybe.
Brain: "So, you're saying there's a chance."
Yes, there is a chance, and the only way that it can be a yes is to begin. Again. As I've trained myself to answer, "Do the next right thing."
Maybe, and maybe even more on a Monday, it's not worrying about the 'right thing' but it's just literally beginning 'all the things' again. But instead of being immobilized by 'all the things' just do 'a thing' that you feel you could win at.
For me, it is going to be a perfectly imperfect blog post. Maybe for you it's that meal getting dumped into the crock pot or folding that basket of laundry or knocking out the easiest task on your 'six most important things to do" list.
Go for a winning line instead of worrying about the FINISH line! I got that on my zoom call this morning. I think that is such a great way to keep the next things coming along! Even celebrating that the first answer was maybe--which is a win and a step beyond a no--to find the next win!
Following the train of thought from this morning's zoom with the notion of adding in some goals or targets that are a perceived "easy win" that move us on to the next thing--and the real finish line or 'bigger' win. My winning line today is to restart this blog with a post--likely perfectly imperfect, and I'll have to fight myself at the end to hit 'publish' but I'm going to celebrate the victory of the doing it instead of measuring the quality.
Of course I want my writing to bless others and I hope that I am humbly using a gift God has given me to put thoughts to words to keyboard/paper, and that something I say can impact others--and fulfill a dream someday of having a book in print...but I know that a large part of why I write is truly for myself to learn from the lessons I need to retain. I write in obedience. Though I've delayed said obedience many days over with my 'maybe' instead of saying 'yes' to doing the next right thing. I've let the fretting over 'who is going to read this' or the inevitable, 'Where do I begin?" stop me.
Ultimately, as I have heard the words, "You must write" so very often in my prayer time and even just in my goings on of life (most often not audibly, but as whisperings I believe of the Holy Spirit, but also echoed by close friends or family who know this to be true and sing this song, or little ditty, back to me). But 'You must write" is more for the sake of what you must not forget, Melissa.
Since this entry is already getting long (the challenge I have with a blog), I'll write more on this topic in my future entries --if I happens fast maybe we'll go back to 'teachable Tuesday' or if it takes me longer, 'Transformation Thursday' perhaps(cause everything is better with alliteration). But the tease to the next topic and the truth/faith-filled answer to the question: "Can I do this" Is: nope. Well not by myself, anyway.
I want to spend my next few entries addressing holy confidence, abandonment and trust (really all the same thing, essentially).
"Without me, you can do nothing." (John 15:5) "With You, Jesus, I can do all things." (Cf. Phil 4:13) And THAT is what I need to remember. I think it's likely what you need to remember too. The truth that we need to renew, recall, and reestablish every day (not just on Super Bowl Monday) is how much God loves us.
With him, whatever he wants me to do, and whatever I feel i 'need' to do today, tomorrow and such, I can do within His love. And if I can't do, and I really do give my best in finding out that I can't? I can rest in the peace that He will bring good from it, or accomplish it in another way. Sounds simplistic, huh?
That's another blog topic itself. How simple life is when we live completely in HIS love and the truth that God is big enough to handle it all. It really IS quite simple--but it's not EASY to always believe it. And 'can I do THIS?' If my answer lies in what I believe, the thing I have to believe in most is God's love for me, and that with Him I can do all things.
Including beginning my blog again.
Maybe.
I mean, Yes.
I can.
In Him.
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