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Writer's pictureMelissa

At last. If not for God.

A reflection on Matthew 20: 1-16


I recently unpacked some new insights from the parable of the workers of the vineyard. It wasn’t the easiest to admit my need for perhaps a shift in attitude, but I’m grateful for the lesson. Maybe the ideas could open your heart in new ways too?


I have read or heard the story of the vineyard workers more times than I realize I’m sure. By that, I mean, it’s certainly not new–but ‘at last’ (stay with me–”last shall be first, first shall be last, pun intended) I may have caught some deeper nuggets I’ve glossed over in past reflections. At last, this may be the first time for some of these thoughts! I easily could have missed them again this week as well, if not for God.


Isn’t that the statement of all statements? If not for God.


How often in our lives do we forget that the God of the universe, who created all–me along with the vast beauty and magnanimous land and people filling it, has invited me to ‘do life’ with Him. He has called me His daughter and allowed me to encounter Him. My realization of THAT depth of truth is another story more than two decades old, warranting a different journal entry–but let’s just stay here for one more moment: God is with you. Behold that. Find honor in his presence with you. In your awe, stop and wonder: How amazing is it that YOU–His beloved child–have also been invited to be on mission with him. If not for God–where might you be? To be invited to the ‘vineyard’ IS a privilege.


The call to the mission, how you receive it, what it is and why–all important and deep reflections but reserved for other times, instead we are going to venture into the field where the owner has invited workers to come for the day. Whatever your mission, the owner of the vineyard (your Heavenly Father) has given you this opportunity because He believes you are up for it. I invite you to ponder with me from the perspective of one of the ‘early workers,’ –the ones who showed up and were invited to the fields at the beginning of the day. You have received your ‘task’ (or mission) and so it begins.


Just as the workers in the vineyard, when we are working ‘with God’ we will often encounter others whose journeys and missions intertwine with ours. How do we react in those moments of connection and overlap?


Let’s think about that–when I was ‘invited’ I might have felt awe, wonder and was invigorated to do the tasks at hand. There may have been a bit of fear or wonder if you had what it takes–at least I’ve experienced that at times. The task isn’t always easy. We learn and grow as we go–but all the same, I felt maybe a sense of confidence and –even, pride maybe–that God chose me to do this work.


Enter stage right the next wave of workers. They’re fresh and ready to roll. I’ve been working for a while now, but they add a little energy to the mix and are digging in –maybe even lightening the load. I am grateful to have more fellowship in the fields.


Enter stage left a few more stragglers as the afternoon is upon us. I admit I’m feeling a little tired now, as I’ve been toiling for a good portion of the ‘day.’ I appreciate that ‘many hands make light work.’ I’m grateful to have a few more workers.


I’m ready for the day to end–looking at all I’ve done, and grateful to complete my assigned work –not perfectly, but completed. And I’m thinking about the day’s wages the owner promised. It’s been worth it, but not without toil. Having been here from the early morning, I have the perspective of all we’ve accomplished and how far we’ve come. My fellow workers are also ready for the day to end. But along comes a final batch of folks –so joyful and grateful to join in our work. I am surprised to add help this late in the game, hardly seems worth it for an hour or so. Yet, I certainly don’t mind that they are here. Their energy is welcomed.


The time comes for us to receive our wages. I line up. The people who showed up last are told to step to the front of the line. It makes sense–having just come at the last of the day, they will progress in the amount of hours worked and pay given.


I step up to receive my day’s wages and it’s the same as the folks who arrived at the varying hours of the day. Wait. What?


Instead of being thankful for my pay, I feel my pulse rising. How unfair is that?


I worked and toiled the full day. I did considerably more work than they did. How do they receive the same compensation?


I feel myself getting angry–frustrated. It’s not fair–if I’m honest with the thoughts in my mind, the resounding hymn of my heart is jealousy and envy.


Thankfully I stepped back. I hear the landowner in Jesus' words speak to my soul. “Are you envious because I am generous?” I mean, these people did less and still get the same wage as me. So, I’m angry they didn’t have to work as hard. I’m mad–I could have just shown up in the twilight of the day and hold the same amount in my hand? But am I envious?


Pondering Jesus' question, I realize and feel convicted of the truth. I am envious. And I am feeling sorry for myself, but for what? That I didn’t get more? Did I do it for reward or obedience? Who am I to fault the generosity of the owner–of my heavenly Father.


I received what I was promised. Can I be satisfied that I did what I was asked? Can I have peace of mind knowing that the day’s work is complete and I can rest in peace and joy? Will my spirit feel the “well done good and faithful servant” sentiment? I want to be peaceful in obedience. I want to choose gratitude. Can I?


“Friend I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you.”


So the last will be first. But at last–seeking things to be thankful for, I am beginning to see there is actual blessing in being invited first. I got to experience the growth and refinement of the ‘full day.’. I have mastered skills and abilities that I didn’t have and couldn’t have honed in less time. I choose gratitude.


I met and worked alongside some amazing individuals who labored with me from the start–had I been in the later waves I wouldn’t have had the same experiences and relationships. I choose gratitude.


And, I've learned the character of the landowner for whom I’ve worked. I can trust him at his word. He did as he promised. And I now see His true generosity. What if someday I am in the latter group? He will be generous and faithful. I choose gratitude.


Perhaps he called me early on knowing my ability to endure, to sustain and to welcome others. He gave me an entire “day” to reflect and learn from, not just a few hours or less –I have the full experience. I choose gratitude.


He is generous. He has modeled living generously. I also realize I don’t know the other workers’ situations. Perhaps they were sick or caring for someone who was earlier in the day, yet they needed this blessing just as much as me, and they responded when they were able. Or maybe those who I saw show much in the last moments had been seeking, praying and looking for a ‘field to work in’ but had not been invited–or hadn’t been in the ‘right place’ or had the blessing of ‘timing’ I had. And yes, maybe there were those few who were invited to the field at the same time as me but they turned their back and didn’t respond til later in the day–those I could choose to be frustrated with, or I could–instead–see the love the owner who asked them …again, so they could have what they needed, yet stubbornly denied the first time! I choose to see His love. I choose gratitude.


But what about when choosing gratitude only sounds good,but instead “it’s not fair” overrides and seeps into my spirit? It is in those times when what I’ve done seems ‘greater’ or ‘harder’ (by my standards) than what someone else has that it’s harder to default to gratitude. In those times, I’m not feeling the ‘awe’ that the God of the universe has invited me “into his field” to collaborate with Him. The invitation alone could have invoked wonder, but instead the toil has caused me to wonder at the injustice. I’m definitely NOT choosing gratitude. I’m choosing to wallow. So now what?


When I’ve been toiling and working, feeling the exhaustion of the diligence –I can check my motivation. Am I working for the sake of the reward, or to honor the invitation with obedience? Am I trusting in the generosity of the field owner? Am I placing MY expectations ahead of being present in and trusting the experience?


Can I ponder instead the faithfulness and fairness of “the vineyard owner” –my God and Heavenly Father? If I struggle to feel gratitude, can I choose TRUST instead? I admit that I don’t like the situation, I wouldn’t choose to toil in this way, but I know who has invited me to the work. So, can I trust the one who invited me to this work? I will choose to trust.


When I see someone else ‘fresh on the scene’ doing what I’ve been doing, but for far less time, and they ‘reap their reward’--if my reaction is frustration or anger, I’m neither grateful nor trusting. I’m judging–the situation or the people, placing my own expectations on how I thought it ‘should have gone.’. But I must remember WHO has invited me. WHOSE vineyard is this? What an honor and privilege it is to be IN THIS FIELD. IN HIS VINEYARD! If I can’t choose total gratitude, yet, I do choose to trust.


If not for God inviting me into a relationship–into the fields–I would miss the love, the joy, the growth and the promise of eternal life–that true ‘reward’ for our toil in the vineyard. I want to choose both gratitude AND trust. Grateful for the invitation and TRUSTING in the blessing that can follow–if not here, in eternity, that’s the reason we are invited to said vineyard anyway.


If not for God…I would wallow in the feelings of ‘it’s not fair’ or 'this isn’t what I signed up for’ –but by God’s grace and love I know that HE is fair, loving and just. I call upon all I know and can trust in Him. I remember times in my life He’s proven that He knows what I need, what I can do and how long I must labor in this field to prepare me for the rewards of eternal life. I trust.


And, one more nugget to receive (at least for me).


If not for God–I wouldn’t have ‘cultivated’ the richness of this reading. I have brushed over ’the last shall be first and the first shall be last’ so many times.’ I’d say that for the most part I’ve only pondered it from my place as one of the ‘last’--in those times when it seems dismal, or that I’ve been forgotten or left behind, that it’s all gonna be ok. He brings good from all things. And his mercy is the grace when things don’t go as we had expected or hoped. Everyone gets their ‘due reward’ and the last shall be first. Essentially, “the meek shall inherit the earth.” Or it’s been adopted to put my in my place of humility.


But, now, how does this sit with me when I’ve been pondering ‘being first’ to the field?


Humbly, when you are first–you may be the last to REALIZE the gift is that you were called to collaborate in the Lord’s work, early on. You had His presence, the grace, the love – GOD–in your heart, your soul and in your midst from the moment of this invitation. But it took the last ones to show up and model the ‘awe’ and wonder of his love, mercy–His generosity–to realize that the reward isn’t always for endurance or perseverance (though sometimes it may be) but rather the very act of responding. He wants us THERE just as much as he wants us to ‘work’. Our response may be enough–the reward is HIS to give when, where and how.


After this reflection, I want to be the steadfast, grateful worker who welcomes those who come into the field. I want to appreciate the generosity of our God. I want to be in AWE because I’ve been invited to work in God’s vineyard. I want to respond and be grateful for any time I have with him in His gracious and loving spirit.


The first are sometimes the last to realize how great they had it. When you see others respond with awe and wonder it makes it glaringly obvious if we aren’t. Reminds me of people who have converted to our faith, or someone who has recently encountered Jesus deeply. Their zeal outweighs their wondering why it took so long for this opportunity to arise for them? And they are just so excited to ‘be here’ and perhaps I have grown lax and I’m just ‘doing what I must’ instead of realizing the gift it really is.


So I want to have a refreshed moment of realization. I’ve been ‘working’ and I may have responded to the invitation ‘long ago’ but today–I seek to renew my commitment to come before the living God–through whom all things were made–and cooperate with Him. Shoulder to shoulder with Him. And be glad when others come along to join in, and know that my excitement may inspire those who –like me–have been here for a bit. The luster and sparkle of the first encounter has faded a bit, but I can renew my enthusiasm and regain my energy to match the newly converted souls.


I want to replace this notion of the first shall be last with a joy filled realization: may the first realize AT LAST…as in "once and for all" …the great gift is that we’ve been INVITED to build up the kingdom. May we remember and sustain knowing that He is loving and merciful and knows what I need, and how long I need it. He’s inviting me to cooperate with him. He’s giving me experiences to respond to. I want to choose gratitude and trust–every time. I know I probably will fail, but I do want that.


He’s put the power in my hands to toil and labor–but I ask, “Jesus, be with me,” not Jesus why them and not me? Help me in my labor to not grow weary, nor to forget the zeal I felt to first come in relationship with you. Help me, Jesus, to BEHOLD the moment you called me. Help me remember your love always lasts. May I remain faithful to the LAST (moment). I want to be among the first…. LAST-ing….enduring ...to the end – so I can hear “well done, good and faithful servant.” Jesus, be with me.


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